Desiring to be intimate with your spouse is something most
people would give preference to anytime, any day. There is a subtle
controversy though whether intimacy in relationships should refer to
core sexual acts alone or the entirety of a loving union. Yes, intimacy
basically flags closeness and sexual implications form a greater part
for lovers. So when intimacy is mentioned in most cases where two adults
have agreed to stay in emotional relationship, much leaning is given
towards sex than mere being fond of each other.
As
crucial as the subject of intimacy could be in relationships, it is the
least discussed problem. People prefer to suffer in silence or take
wrong steps which make the situation worse or unbearable. It’s ‘natural’
for people to learn and seek counsel for other areas of marriage and
family life but anything concerning sex remains under the carpets—it
creeps out quite often and bites the union really badly.
Continue reading after the cut...
Continue reading after the cut...
A
man is quick to ask for ways he can make more money to meet his family
needs; a woman goes out of her way to learn how to prepare dishes from
around the world so she can wow her Prince. People buy expensive books
on financial trade/success—even when they don’t read them but the issue
causing so much pain in their home remains untouched.
When
shall adults behave like one when and where they need to? How else
should we explain to people that they deserve to be sexually fulfilled
in marriage? A little counsel, reading and sharing with the right kind
of people can go a long way to liberate your union. Learn from
authorities who can help you in different aspects of life—they are
specially trained to ‘bail’ you out.
Other people may
not know what your relationship is being subjected to but the truth
stares you in the face. How do you tell someone your spouse is not good
enough; Can you own up to the fact that you are not getting enough from
your mate? Who will understand with you if you finally express
frustration? Would the society still accept you for wanting more…? There
are just too many questions racing through the hearts of couples than
can be expressed in writing. Eight out of every ten relationships would
love a total change in the bedroom but no one is bold enough to say so.
Most of the times, the best you get from people in troubled
relationships are anonymous letters or notes with changed or pseudo
names. In any case, my interest is not in knowing who has which problem
when they already crave privacy but to help in the simplest way. Here is
a sincere cry from a troubled wife who does not want her marriage to
split. I’ll call her Tonia for the sake of privacy. She wrote…“I have
been married to my husband for the past five years. We started the
marriage with my hubby doing a high profile job that kept him away from
home for two weeks before coming in to spend a weekend with me. The
highest time we could spend in the whole month would be three weekends
and this did not happen often. I was always looking forward to his home
coming and the excitement was out of this world.
After
13 months of marriage, the contract finished and my hubby needed to come
home and look for something else to do. Another job didn’t come too
soon but the savings we had from the previous job and my lecturing was
enough to keep both of us going. It wasn’t a long time before my man
started raising issues about my low libido and how it affected him.
For
me, keeping intimacy till weekend worked out great and besides; this
was what we started with and grew for a reasonable period of time. He
absolutely rejected my idea and would become so angry and resentful for
my lack of interest. I took time to explain to him how much I loved him
but he never listened. It soon turned to blackmail… “If you love me then
proof it”. Now, the relationship is at its brink and something tells me
any more refusal from me might spark trouble”.
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Culled - Aidy Thomas
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