Psycho-sexual impact of sexual abuse on a child..

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Over the past several weeks or even months, there have been numerous stories, articles, and revelations of rapes and other sexual abuses of very young girls.

It was beginning to feel uncomfortable and perverse, as if
it had become fashionable. It was the discussion on so many social networks and even though most of the responses by people holding those discussions were of outrage and condemnation of such acts, I was left wondering if people really understood the totality of losses involved in the savagery of the act.

A survivor’s emotions, behaviour, sexuality, attitudes and spirituality are all damaged. For many of the clients I see, sometimes the aftermath of their experiences is their reason for seeking therapy, even though their presenting problem may be quite different.

The survivors of sexual abuse have borne many losses. Some may be more obvious than others. Many report feeling ‘different’ from other people as if the abusive relationship sets them apart from others.

Right from the beginning of the abuse, the victim undergoes a crisis of identity and an ultimate loss of a sense of being normal or like being like everybody else. Another obvious loss is the loss of innocence. Survivors of sexual abuse are caught in a very complex and bewildering situation where they are trying to cope with adult experiences and feelings, but only having the resources of childhood.

They are not actually catapulted into true adulthood as may be thought, with its mature understandings and motivations. Instead, survivors of sexual abuse are caught in a no man’s land where they are confronted with events that they are not equipped to deal with.

The loss of innocence in childhood sexual abuse is physical as well as emotional and has repercussions at every level. Survivors tend to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them for anyone to have treated them in that way.

Sometimes, this belief is deeply buried and may resurface in self destructive behaviours such as eating disorders, drugs and alcohol abuse. Others may engage in promiscuity, become suicidal, or may find huge difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships. What is clear is the devastation sexual abuse causes to every aspect of a person’s attitude and life.

One way in which our psyche protects us is by repressing or denying truths or events which it would be unbearable to acknowledge. If in the right environment, feeling safe and contained, maybe with a counsellor or a trusted person, tiny fragments of memories of abuse might begin to surface.

Most people will assume that the abuse victim’s strongest feelings of betrayal and exploitation would be towards the perpetrator. However, from what the majority of my clients say, the strongest sense of outrage is directed towards the mother. Whether the mother is seen as having a direct part to play in the abuse or of turning a blind eye or remaining ignorant, survivors feel the mother had failed at performing her vital role of creating and maintaining a secure environment for her child.

For some survivors of sexual abuse, loss is a continuing experience. Though sexual abuse is generally thought of as something occurring in infancy or childhood, it is a perfectly valid term for unwanted sexual contact at any age. Victims of rape, sexual harassment in the work place, or sexual brutality within marriage could all be described as having been sexually abused. Their self esteem usually deteriorates, and they feel sullied.

Rape victims sometimes develop fears such as going out alone, and women abused by their partners can find satisfying, loving relationships hard to achieve or sustain. All these have their parallels in childhood sexual abuse.

The impact and their ramifications on survivors of childhood sexual abuse vary, particularly because of the age at which the abuse occurs.

The sense of powerlessness and of intimidation or menace, while quite real for an adult victim of rape, looms even larger for a child who has far fewer resources and coping strategies.

It is useful for family members or those around survivors of sexual abuse to bear in mind common psychological processes such as transference (where a person transfers an emotion meant for one person to another).

It is also important not to minimise the awfulness of sexual abuse, or to turn away from survivors or to try to deny how they are feeling. It is important that they feel able to express how they feel and for them to be validated.

-Gloria Ogunbadejo (gogunbadejo@yahoo.co.uk)

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