I have had many opportunities to address
and counsel many intending couples whose relationships have ended in a
good marriage. However in the course of my interactions, unbelievable as
it may sound, I have discovered that close to 50 per cent of such
intending couples were in a non-sexual relationship and my phones are
always very busy with all types of questions on their wedding nights. It
is either they do not know what to do sexually or how to go about it.
Many ended up with a sexless or frustrated honeymoon.
Continue reading after the cut...
I want to discuss what spouses who are
virgins need to keep in mind before having sex. Not just sex, but a
pain-free and memorable experience for both. I believe this will help
ease the anxiety and improve the pleasure.
When couples are ready for sex for the
first time, the excitement may be so overpowering. On the other hand,
it’s very easy to also allow anxiety to take over because for most
ladies, one of the most stressful worries is the pain associated with
first time sex. This is when a lady wonders in apprehension what it
will be like: Will it hurt? How much does it hurt? Why do ladies bleed?
Would I bleed? Will I enjoy it? Am I going to have orgasm? How does an
orgasm feel?
The truth of the matter is that many
ladies don’t feel any pain at all the first time they have sexual
intercourse. Very few ladies actually experience pain that is
unbearable. And if you experience any pain at all while having sex for
the first time, the pain may be similar to a pinprick. The psychological
trauma of imagining how much it would hurt is almost always a lot worse
than the actual pain many ladies feel. Also while having sex for the
first time, there may be spotting or bleeding because of the tear in the
hymen. How much you bleed depends on the size and thickness of your
hymen. But if you bleed, you may just notice a bit of spotting on your
bed or at times, something that resembles your period stain on the
sheets. The hymen could tear for several reasons like vigorous
exercises, aerobics, energetic dances or even while getting fingered. So
for such ladies, the hymen may not be a sign of virginity, but sexual
intercourse. After having sex for the first time, you may continue to
bleed a little over a few days. But if you see anything more than a bit
of spotting in your underwear or scant traces when you pee, speak to
someone you trust in the family or get in touch with your doctor. Few
brides who have sex for the first time could experience some soreness
for a day or two. It’s natural to feel a bit sore just like you would
after a good workout.
The virgin groom on the other hand will
also wonder what it will be like. Will I satisfy her? Will I have
erection? Am I impotent? Am I a real man? Can I be a father? The best
thing to do is to relax and have a loving attitude towards your bride.
Do not make it mandatory to have sex or practise all the expert methods
that same night.
Start off by helping each other to
undress and give room for both of you to refresh yourselves with a good
bath. This is necessary to calm you down after the stress of the wedding
ceremony you have both gone through. The physical, mental and spiritual
exhaustion might affect you negatively if not well handled. It is,
therefore, very important to be in a relaxed mood and not compulsorily
focus your mind on sex for the night. You still have all other nights to
yourselves. Then just relax and do not look too serious. At this
point, you both should chat, say something sweet and romantic to each
other. This should be done more by the groom to relax the bride the
more. The same goes to the bride, do not appear as a saintly prey and
the man as the merciless predator. Give your husband a reassuring look
of acceptance and approval. After taking a bath, which you both can have
together, change into something comfortable and lovely. The bride
should change into something sweet, irresistible, transparent and
seductive, preferably a new lacy bra and undies with a good body
perfume. The bride just has to smell very good. The groom likewise
should change into a good pyjamas, make use of a good perfume,
after-shave and comb his hair neatly.
Watch Out For Part 2
- Funmi Akingbade /Punch
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