How to get a husband

There are many single women on the racks these days. Some have had their cakes and eaten it all or perhaps given it away for free to ‘bad’ boys. A few are now cynical, malicious and aggressive women with hearts of stone.

So, how do you end up in love with a man who cares and loves you? When should you sort out marriage, if that is what you want?

In medical school, we had some ‘lovey dovey’ couples who stayed true to their partners and have ended up with a life of sheer bliss. You meet the best partners in childhood, in school and the university. They are often people who know you when you were stripped down to the bare essentials: un-layered and your true self. They are people who were there right in your formative years, who know who you are, what you are about, where you have been and where you are going.

The pictures taken during the years in the university are often funny, with dated hairstyles and outrageous clothes, at least on the boys. The girls make more of an effort when it comes to fashion in the university. So, if a girl fancies you, it is likely she can see more than just skin deep.

I met my wife on the corridor of the halls of residence, on a clear starry night. She was pleasant and easy to talk to: after all, talk is cheap. I was bowled over by her beauty and told her. She surprised me by saying she found me attractive too! Really! No coyness, fake and silly behaviour? Seriously! No pretence? I had no choice but to....

marry her.

It was a similar story with my friend, Isaac. The love of his life was a woman who had no facades, no false teeth or fake eyelashes! Both were far too real, natural and down to earth to ignore.

Okay, some dose of reality is needed here. Some people meet in the university and get married. Some people meet after university and do the same. Some other people meet in university and things fall apart. So, sometimes it may be luck or being at the right place, at the right time. But, perhaps you can make efforts and the right choices?

When should you get a husband?

This article was prompted by a book written by Susan Patton, entitled Marry Smart. Susan, an American, was a Princeton graduate who wrote that young girls should look for a husband with the same vigour as they study for degrees. She posited that the best time to get a soul mate was when they were at their brightest, most beautiful and fertile.

Anyway, to get a husband requires an early search. Start in the university and be serious. But, you need to know who you are and what your personal values are. Also, know your family orientation towards marriage, your personal religion (not your family religion), your sexual orientation and what kind of man you desire.

What influences choice in Nigeria?

Religion has a big role to play in many families. In Islam, marriage is not compulsory and a woman has the right to live a single life if she wishes to. However, try that in some parts of Nigeria! In any case, a young girl is often already married off or betrothed to a man before she can say ‘Abracadabra.’ And since a man can marry more than one, choosing the man of your dreams, just for you, is perhaps a tall order. You may have to manage a ‘Tokunbo (has been)’.

Family influences

The family also plays a strong role in curbing your urge to settle down early and for good reasons too. Not many can juggle education, work and married life at a young age. Couple this with the pressure to have children, lack of understanding of family planning, things soon fall apart. More often than not, with a child on the way, work and education suffer and dreams become unrealised. Thus, many traditional families will steer their young girl away from marriage.

Men, like sweet

You should see men like a box of sweets. Some men are sweet inside out, some are sweet only on the outside with a sour interior and some are terrible all through. Some are soft on the outside with a tough interior, some have a hard case but are jelly on the inside, and some are hard nuts, difficult to crack and perhaps best avoided.

Brand yourself

When you find the right man, be yourself and promote your personal brand. Show him the future with you. Don’t be an easy lay but dance slowly towards intimacy. Maintain strict privacy about your sex life. If he cannot appreciate you, unspoilt, at your sweetest and most fertile, then perhaps he is not for you. Do not try to change him!

Susan says, “Avoid love cheats. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. Bad boys can be fun to fool around with, and women do have needs, but stay away from these pigs for the sake of a little sausage.” Quit wasting time with hopeless men.

Happy New You!

-Biodun Ogungbo/Punch

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