Half of all divorcees had doubts on the day they walked up the aisle, according to research yesterday.
Their marriages were deeply undermined before they even began, but the reluctant brides and grooms were too shy to speak out in time to stop the wedding, it said.
Among the reasons they went ahead with a doomed marriage were embarrassment, guilt, family pressure, and worries about the amount of money spent on the ceremony.
The extent of wedding day doubts and the inevitable trouble that follows was measured in a survey carried out for lawyers Slater and Gordon, who warned couples to think carefully before making their decision.
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The poll among more than 1,600 divorced people said that 49 per cent were worried on their wedding day that their relationship was breaking down. Two thirds of the doubting brides and grooms said they had considered the idea of leaving their partner stranded at the altar before going through with the ceremony.
Four out of 10 carried on with the wedding in the hope that ‘it would all work out’. One in six said they had concerns about their partner, but thought they would be able to get them to change for the better after the wedding.
The evidence that the seeds of divorce are planted before the wedding, and that many divorcees were unhappy when they went into their marriage, comes at a time of deepening interest in the ‘slide or decide’ idea, which maintains that the strength of relationships depends heavily on the commitment of the partners.
The theory says that those who firmly decide on marriage are likely to stay together, while those who allow themselves to slide into a cohabitation or a wedding are unlikely to remain together long.
Divorce lawyer Amanda McAlister said: ‘It is incredibly common for people to go into marriages with doubts. There can also be a lot of optimism at the wedding, but this can fade with time.
‘We also have some clients who say they had an early instinct their marriage might not be successful and now regret not listening to that doubt. I would advise anyone considering marriage to think carefully.’
She added: ‘It is important to be clear about what your expectations are of marriage and your partner in advance of exchanging vows.’
According to the poll findings, one in 10 divorced people felt they could not cancel the wedding because too much money had been spent on it. One in 12 felt compelled to marry because they already had children.
One in six future divorcees were so worried about their future that they said they felt physically sick at their wedding. One in three said they had serious nerves or jitters.
Surprisingly, nearly half the divorced people surveyed said they did not regret their marriage even though it failed.
However the poll found that almost a third of those who went to the altar with doubts thought it would be a simple process to have their marriage annulled, one in six thought it was not necessary to get a divorce if the marriage broke up within six months of the wedding, and nearly half thought a quickie divorce would be easy to get.
Miss McAlister said: ‘Getting divorced is not a simple process, even if the marriage has not lasted very long. People should understand there is time, effort and cost involved when it comes to launching divorce proceedings or drawing up a separation agreement.’
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