Thirty seven couples, some of them from
polygamous backgrounds, were recently joined in conjugal bliss, years
after living together. Their stories are as diverse as they are
interesting
James Iorkyase Pevnor first married in 1988 to Hembafan, who bore him
three children now in their 20s. The first child, a boy, is only a few
years younger than his father’s second wife, Lucy, who is only
approaching 30 now.
Lucy first met her husband in a market
place in a neighbouring village. Neither she, nor the husband was
comfortable sharing
details, but they agreed that the second meeting –
also at the same spot in the same market, brought them into almost
concluding marital ties. He planned to elope with her on that day, so
that he will trace her home, days later, and begin talks with her
parents ahead of the bride price. But their plans crashed on the foot of
Lucy’s brothers who fixed prying eyes on her.
Days later, Lucy’s friends, helped her
fix the escape at a stream, and Pevnor, ended with a second wife. It was
in 1990. Lucy was only approaching puberty. She was shy, but growing up
around the rural Ishangev-Ya in Kwande Local Government Area of Benue
State, where a woman’s worth is counted by how hard she works on the
farm, as well as how early she finds herself in a man’s home; Lucy could
not resist the temptation which has now crowned her escape of many
years ago with a church wedding.
“It was my second happiest day; next to
the day I delivered a boy child”, she told this reporter at a tight
compound of a cluster of thatch huts, a little away from St. Joseph’s
Catholic Mission in Iyon, a quiet settlement of peasants, only a few
minutes’ drive along a dirt road to the famous Obudu hills in the
neighbouring Cross River State.
On that day – June 9, Lucy stood before a
congregation as large as had never been seen at the village church, and
kissed Mr. Pevnor, after repeating the rituals of marital vows read out
for them by the priest, Reverend Father Joseph Ahile.
“I was shy as though I was just meeting
my husband. I love him so much”, Lucy said in Tiv, recalling that “all
of us women who wedded on that day were happy.” Her husband decided for
the wedding, after consulting, and obtaining the consent of his first
wife, who is separated from him.
It was a wedding fair at St. Joseph’s on
that day. A total of 37 couples, some of them from polygamous
background, were joined in conjugal bliss before an audience attracted
from Iyon, Tica Mbaper, Mbakan, and various other neighbouring
communities of Ishangev-Ya.
The fair was organized and sponsored by
Vandefan Foundation, a Non-Governmental Organization (NGO), and
non-profit making initiative of a London, UK-based business woman with a
pocket as open as her heart.
Mrs. Ann Terngu Vandefan lives thousands
of kilometers away from her village, Tica Mbaper, but she has
established a presence that has remained permanent in the minds of the
rural folk of the whole of Ishangev-Ya and beyond.
Not long ago, the foundation which is
headquartered at Tica Mbaper, with Northern zonal head office at Abuja,
and a desk in London for the sake of attracting sports investment for
youths back home, assembled resources and sponsored 90 eye patients for
treatment, some of whom had referrals to go for surgeries. The
foundation also picked five indigent students who have been sponsored to
the university at various levels, just as it has sought and secured
federal government jobs for 30 graduates.
“The foundation built a church at Tica
Mbaper, called St. Vincent’s Catholic Church”, said its coordinator at
the headquarters, Sebastian Shima.
“This time, we decided to go a length
further” the coordinator, who is also a teacher at Saairo Community
Secondary School, added, disclosing that “the founder, Mrs. Vandefan
visited home sometimes back, to learn that most Christians are married
without receiving God’s blessing; not because they chose so, but because
they had no resources to sponsor their weddings.
“So, she decided to include this
programme as part of our mandate for this year, to sponsor those who are
interested in wedding”, he added.
The programme came in stages: first, the
foundation put out word at Christian gatherings, especially of catholic
denomination, and invited couples for registration; second, the
coordinator informed the priest, who also announced that such a gesture
was up for grab, at all his sermons; third, the awareness campaign
attracted registrants for screening which took place two months before
the weeding; and fourth, the wedding fair.
“It took us about six months altogether, to achieve the mass wedding”, the Mr. Shima said.
A total of 120 couples, cutting across
not less than 13 neighbouring communities, were registered, according to
the coordinator, who added that “only 37 were wedded at the end of the
programme.” He said the 37 were put through various screenings including
baptism and their readiness to remain committed to their marital vows.
Others did not participate because of
ill health, or various other challenges. But a large number of couples
who did not participate, particularly the men, did not make it because
they lacked the self discipline to remain committed to the marital vows.
This reporter tried to speak to some of
them in this category, but was only able to meet with Pa Vandefan
Adekwagh, who is in his 90s, but had his fifth wife only a few years
ago. She is in her early 20s.
It turned out that Pa Adekwagh is the
father-in-law of the founder, Mrs. Ann Terngu Vandefan. One of his sons
had insisted that this reporter spoke to their father because of his
resistance to conversion.
Pa Adekwag is a community leader, and
sits among elders of Ishangev-Ya as a decision maker in matters of
tradition and development. He took up this role because of his age, the
size of his family and compound, as well as his late father’s
contribution to the people of Ishangev-Ya. His late father stood for,
and encouraged the entry of early Christian missionaries in that part of
Ishangev-Ya, and paved the way for the establishment of one of the
first missionary schools in those areas. But he himself never became a
convert, and remained stuck to traditional ways of his forefathers.
His son, Pa Adekwagh, took his steps. He
first married in the 50s – the days of the pounds and shillings. His
first wife, Adoo Anna - also an elderly, told Weekly Trust that she was
duly married after her husband - then a handsome young man - proudly
paid 12 pounds. “I still remember the dress I wore on that day”, she
said, but refused to disclose it.
The elderly man, who assured Weekly
Trust that he will be frank, said “my son, I was to participate – may be
chose from one of my wives and wed; but I opted out. I know I will not
have the commitment to the vows. I am a community man. I keep a large
compound with wives and children because of my role and large farm.” He
said smiling.
It is common practice, and to most, a
tradition in Tivland for a man to marry as many wives as his compound
can accommodate, even in old age. Here, traditional practice recognizes
wealth based on the size of a man’s compound, his wives, and children as
well as his farm and his barns. To cultivate a large farm, and maintain
the name, a man can continue to pick young girls into marriage,
irrespective of his age. The new wives earn their places to the
polygamist’s heart based on how well they work on the farms, and how
many children, especially boys, her womb can produce.
Many a wealthy men in Tivland, even till
in the recent past, did not know the number of their wives and children
because of this practice. Many had had to contend with the illicit
activities of some younger men, who will walk into a market place and
elope with some of the wives of the old men.
To such persons who still stick to this
practice, wedding in the church simply means to tie them down from
picking new girls as wives, or filling up the vacancy left by the last
one that was eloped with.
Community members spoken to, about the
failure of most of the 120 male registrants, blamed this practice on the
development. “It is better to go ahead in the world, than to make vows
and deceive God that you will not pick new wives”, said a young man who
conveyed this reporter through the journey, on the motorcycle.
For those who made the list, June 9 at
St. Joseph’s is a day that changed their lives for the good. On that
day, they wore the Tiv traditional Anger attire of black and white, in
what made the event even more dramatic. “I am now complete in the Lord –
a baptism and a wedding, finally. I am going to remain faithful to my
wife”, said Mr. Francis Iorfa who participated in the wedding fair with
his wife of many years, Felicia.
Esther Akpen, a woman in her 50s who
served with her husband, Mr. Daniel Akpen as the chairperson for the
fair, told Weekly Trust that “the beneficiaries did not face the stress
of expenses. That day, they were celebrated without any of them bearing
the cost. Many cows were slaughtered for the occasion. May God bless the
initiators of that foundation.”
But the priest, Fr. Ahile, was not
available when this reporter visited his church. He was said to have
travelled to Obudu for a brief visit, but by nightfall when this
reporter was leaving, he had not returned. He was contacted on a phone
number provided by his younger brother at the church, but the priest
insisted that he will not comment on phone. He also sought this reporter
not to make any report of the event because he did not approve of it,
expressing disappointment that the reporter sought and spoke to the
wedded couples without his permission.
Weekly trust
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