I want to look at it with the home in mind. We often believe children should be forced to learn by obeying our words and instructions. Hear the truth: they act and pretend to be what they are not as children only to become what they really are when they leave home. Children don’t learn through words; they learn from your lifestyle.
You can carry them to church or mosque and force them to recite the Quran or Bible; they can even pray 10 times a day, but that won’t
change anything. The life they see you live is what tells them which way to go. If you are a Jezebel in form of a wife and mother, your daughters will grow up to become Jezebels. If you are wayward, they shall be wayward. If you defraud individuals and think they don’t know, your kids are watching and shall defraud nations.
I see mothers treat fellow humans as animals just because they are not up to their social class. I have heard parents tell their children not to associate with certain people because they are far below their level. Some parents don’t even see any good reason why they should take their children to their villages. I am sorry for you because you are digging your own grave with your two hands.
We have bought into the insanity that tells us holidays must be outside Nigeria and this is why our culture is fast eroding, in fact, eluding us. This is why our children no longer understand our value system. All they see and know are the western culture and ways of the white man. Our children now see our food as outdated and something that should be eaten by the unexposed and poor. All they now think about and know how to prepare are noodle and egg, salad and fried rice. We are in trouble if we go on this way. What has happened to our local dishes that are ever nutritious?
Our children no longer say “good morning” to us; it is now “hello mum and dad” and we see nothing wrong with it. I am sorry because I am still as uncivilized as I can be in this regard. If my child sees me and says that, I will slap him or her instantly. We have become more western than the white man and even though they are envious of our culture, we have thrown it away due to low self-esteem. We want to speak English better than the white man when other African and Asian nations have kept their accent and languages. Speaking our language is now a taboo. This is worse among my people, the easterners.
We should also be very careful how we take our children abroad, outside Africa for their studies. There is this thing about Africa, West Africa, which encourages children to fight their way through. I know our education system may not be what it should be (more reasons not to appoint a lawyer the education minister). But I also believe education is not just about academics. The cultural and moral aspects of education are far more important than academics.
I am a trained educationist and I was taught that children need balanced education. What do I mean by a balanced education? West Africans stand out for their communal way of life where everyone is a watchdog. We are also raised to take care of our parents at old age. How many of the children you sent abroad are taking care of you now that you are old? It’s a different thing over there because all they do is send you to old people’s home and visit once in a while if they want to. Is this the life you want to live? Do you want to spend the rest of your life sending money to your children when they should be doing that for you?
Once your children are out of university, they should, with your assistance if you can, get a job and start taking care of you. I know this is the prayer of every parent, but we ignore this simply because we have some stolen money in our pockets thereby indirectly calling our children failures. It is a curse for your children not to take care of you at old age.
And what do you stand to gain when you dump a teenager or young adult in a country, thousands of miles away from you with no form of supervision and parental control? I know it’s in vogue and you haven’t arrived among your friends until you have your children abroad. This is our mentality but I want to ask you a question; how many of those children trained abroad become useful to their fatherland? How many of our past leaders schooled abroad? I am of the opinion and this is strictly my view that children are allowed to get their secondary education and first degree here in West Africa. They can get their second and other degrees from any school in the world when they already have our cultural values embedded in their hearts.
What about the things we allow our children to wear in the name of fashion? We are gradually raising night crawlers and people who live for magazines. We have succeeded in making our children believe that all that matters is their regular appearance at events and the designer they rock. Our children no longer have role models in serious minds and technocrats; their role models are now people who go nude on screen and jump from one man to the other in the name of society big girl. Role models for our sons are now men who sag even at old age. Their role models are now hip-hop artistes who voice out rubbish in the name of singing. If we have this happening now, what kind of leaders are we going to have in years to come?
Mothers now teach their daughters how to go nude in the name of fashion. You are a disgrace to motherhood if you are guilty of this. God created you and made you a mother for you to raise people who will crush the head of the serpent but there you are raising people whose heads the serpent will crush! A girl in my children’s school was asked why she wore a very short dress to school. According to the innocent girl, she wanted to wear a long one only for her mum to give her the short one. When this woman was called on phone, her question was, “Isn’t it called a summer school?” Thank God for the management of the school; they insisted on her coming to take her daughter home. This woman later came with the very dress her daughter wanted to wear.
You are a father and there you are out with your son shopping with his jeans almost falling off his waist in the name of sagging. What kind of man do you think you are bringing up?
We have killed and are still destroying generations after us in the name of civilization. I have always said that civilization has become a curse on us. Why raise children who are taking after Hollywood and Nollywood celebrities? Why not raise children who will take after Barack and Michelle Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Julia Gillard, Nnamdi Azikiwe, Obafemi Awolowo, Tafawa Balewa, Emeka Anyaoku, Mother Theresa, and several others. These ones didn’t grow up sagging and going nude.
- Amara; Email:amara@amarablessing.com[ 08033832503]
Click here for the Part1 of Mistakes Parents Make (1)
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